The One Conversation You Must Have With Your Child: Understanding and Preventing Sextortion
It’s a conversation no one wants to have, but it’s one you can’t afford to skip: talking to your child about sextortion. In the last four years, I’ve had five friends and colleagues reach out to me in a panic because their child had been blackmailed after sharing nude images. This is a terrifying reality for many families, and it’s happening at an alarming rate.
For many, the first thought might be, “That couldn’t happen to my child.” But the unfortunate truth is, it can happen to anyone. The victims in the cases I’ve seen all had supportive families who on some level had discussed online safety with them. Sextortion doesn’t discriminate based on a child’s upbringing; it preys on vulnerability and manipulation.
What Is Sextortion and How Does It Happen?
Sextortion is a form of blackmail where a person threatens to share intimate images or videos of someone unless they receive money, more explicit content, or other demands. It’s a serious crime, and it’s on the rise. According to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC), reports of online sextortion have surged dramatically in recent years. In fact, NCMEC saw a 1,500% increase in reports of online enticement and sextortion from 2021 to 2022, and the rates continue to increase exponentially.
The typical scenario begins when a suspect, often posing as someone the same age as the victim, quickly builds a rapport with them — sometimes in just a few hours. This leads to a request for explicit images. Once the suspect has the images, they immediately reveal their true intentions, threatening to share them with the victim’s friends, family, and social media followers unless they comply with their demands.
To create a sense of urgency and panic, suspects often use common scripts, including countdowns to a deadline for payment or a threat to post the images. These high-pressure tactics are designed to make victims, and even their parents, act impulsively. I’ve spoken to parents who, even after being advised to block the suspect, felt an intense urge to engage with the blackmailer after reading their threatening countdown messages. This emotional manipulation is a key part of their strategy.
The emotional toll of sextortion is immense. Victims often feel shame, guilt, and a deep sense of betrayal. Tragically, some young people have taken their own lives because of this type of blackmail. This highlights just how critical it is for parents to be a safe space for their children.
The Broader Challenge: A Lack of Awareness
What I’ve also learned from these parents is that many professionals they’ve turned to for help — including pediatricians, teachers, and even financial institutions — often don’t know what to do. Pediatricians may not be trained to recognize the signs or offer guidance on a crime like this. Teachers, who see students struggling with mental health, may not connect these issues to sextortion. Even financial institutions, while sometimes flagging suspicious transactions, are only now beginning to figure out how to handle these cases and who to report them to. This lack of awareness across different sectors underscores how new and rapidly evolving this problem is.
What to Do If It Happens to Your Child
In every case I’ve handled, the child eventually came to a parent for help. This is the most crucial first step. If your child comes to you, here’s what to do:
Praise them for coming to you. Acknowledge their bravery and let them know that the blackmailer is to blame, not them. They made a mistake, but they were lied to and manipulated.
Do not pay or comply. Paying the blackmailer rarely works and often leads to demands for more money. Cooperating with their demands will not make them stop.
Stop all communication with the suspect immediately. Block them, but do not delete their profile or the messages. You will need this evidence. Save everything.
Report the incident. Take action by reporting the account through the platform’s safety feature and report the incident to NCMEC’s CyberTipline at report.cybertip.org. You should also file a report with your local law enforcement agency.
Change all passwords. Make sure all your child’s passwords are changed to prevent further access to their accounts.
If the images are posted, get help. The NCMEC’s tool takeitdown.ncmec.org can help get explicit images of minors removed from the internet.
Remember, the most powerful thing you can do is open the lines of communication with your child and let them know you are a safe, non-judgmental space. No matter what, you can get through this together. Your proactive approach and support are your most powerful tools.
Additional Resources
https://www.missingkids.org/theissues/sextortion
https://www.thorn.org/blog/identify-sextortion/
https://www.iwf.org.uk/resources/sextortion/
To learn how to talk to the children in your life, these resources can help:
https://childrescuecoalition.org/educations/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-online-safety-predators-by-age/
https://www.dhs.gov/know2protect/take-action